Data Mining and Facebook - A Love Story

Facebook's Billionaire CEO Mark Zuckerberg has claimed, on numerous occasions, that Facebook is not primarily a "Data Mining" Enterprise. That claim, however deeply couched in Twenty-Something Triple-Chocolate-Spicy-Cream-Latte Uptalk it may be, is about as credible as the complaints of Glenn Beck over a possible George Soros Conspiracy to shut him down by corning the Market on Chalk. No matter how much Zuckerberg claims that "Privacy" is the Mantra of Ethics at Facebook, the Reality is [Wait for it!] . . . FACEBOOK IS NOT MAKING MONEY BY CONNECTING YOU WITH THAT FREAK FROM HIGH SCHOOL THAT USED TO DROOL ALL OVER YOUR SHIRT WHILE FOLLOWING YOU AROUND CAMPUS ALL DAY.

Facebook is paid by its Advertisers. It's Advertisers want access to targeted information that will sell their otherwise worthless and overpriced Products and Services. Zuckerberg claims that all the information in its vast Evil Empire Databases are collected "Anonymously." Woo Hoo! And how can this be? Well, they aren't too forthcoming in that area, because there is PROPRIETARY TECHNOLOGY INVOLVED. WTF??? What that actually means is that they don't want you to know how they supposedly take all your secret wants, desires, accomplishments, relationships, perversions, abnormalities, instances of diaper rash and diarrhea, and so on -- and compile them into anonymous data that will attract upstanding Companies like Monsanto [HERE THEY ARE AGAIN!] to place their warped business promotions [an opinion of someone who loathes that company] right next to your Post about the New Garden you just Planted! [It's just a coincidence that the Ad appears there!].

Soooooo, take a look at the Two Facebook Videos of Mark Zuckerberg speaking in his disjointed and annoying manner about Facebook, Privacy, and the Mission of the Company over time:

Perhaps it is just me, but when he refers to exchanges in the "Ecosystem," does anyone else get the impression that he is talking about the transfer of information from one Corporation's Database to another Corporation's Database via that vast Network called the INTERNET? [Well, who cares what impression you got? That's exactly what he's talking about!] What information could he be transferring and bartering with? CERTAINLY NOT THE INTIMATE AND TARGETED INFORMATION THAT FACEBOOK USERS SHARE WITH THEIR "FRIENDS," RIGHT? Oh my goodness, I love the Orwellian-Style Nerdspeak here! It gives me a real "Poke"!

Soooooo, if Facebook might [Facebook Lawyers, notice I introduced DOUBT here] be profiting from utilizing your information in some less than ethical manner, does that bother you at all? Does it harm you in some manner? Does it makes your skin crawl? [Does that actually apply here? Sure! Why the hell not!] Should you do something to stop it? Can you do something to stop it? [The answer to all those questions is the same: "ROTFLMAO"].

Well, so far, Facebook has protected itself via its complicated and nebulous and ever changing USER AGREEMENT and PRIVACY RULES. Do you understand them? Does Clarence Thomas understand them better than he understands Tax Law? [I couldn't resist!] Probably not and probably not. So, now that you are upset, what are you going to do? Will you disable your Facebook Account? . . . Get serious! Of course not! You would have nothing to do with that overprice piece of shit Smartphone you just bought if you quit Facebook! OH COME ON! YOU KNOW YOU WON'T STOP YOUR FACEBOOK ADDICTION! IT'S MORE ADDICTIVE THAN HEROIN! [Sort of . . . in a non-physical and unrealistic sort of way].

I have a way to do a minor protest! It will probably cause Facebook to disable my Account, but it could be Fun anyways! Just remember to come back to this Blog if you see my Account is gone after we do this . . . mischief! I will accept you back with open Arms into my other Profile! [You are all my Children! . . . of sorts].

Here's what we'll do: go to my Profile via my Facebook Link to the right of my Posts. If you are not already my Friend, send a Friend Request. Unless your name is Charles Manson or Dick Cheney, I will likely accept your Request. Once we are Friends, send me a Request to be recognized as a "Relative" of Mine. Call me a Brother, Aunt, Father, Dog, Sister, Mother, or whatever. It's not like I actually care. We are just attempting to distort the statistics being collected by Facebook on behalf of its Advertisers. What we want is for Facebook to start being up front about how they collect Data, and what is being done with it. Plus, they keep putting me on restriction.

Feel free to do the same thing with your own Profile. You can send me your Profile URL, and I will post it on my Blog. The idea is to get their attention, without actually doing anything nasty or violent. I hope you will help me here! I don't want to have to go door to door around the World! Tally Ho!